Yet denial is not a good idea: it is usually a crippling condition, although when faced with an enormous crisis, it is a useful short-term response. Longer term, burying your head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich is not a good idea. The issue being ignored has a habit of creeping up behind the ostrich and kicking it in the backside!

Perhaps there is another element to this: I’m not really bothered whether things happen by “fate”, “karma” or whether “shit happens”. What’s important to me is, once I’ve dealt with the immediate effects of the happening, what can I learn from it?

For example my mum died when I was 17 – someone told me at the time “it’s God’s will, all is ok!” If he hadn’t been a lot bigger than me, I’d have punched him – discretion is important, and timing is an important part of discretion! Over the years, I’ve come to realise that I’ve learned a lot from her death (and from the guy’s response).

Some of it is indeed about discretion and timing. Another part of it is discernment, learning who to listen to and who to smile sweetly at and move on. Yet another part is understanding that having coped with her death, I can cope with the death of others close to me when they happe.

I’ve also learned that gurus, while a valuable part of Eastern culture, are usually incompatible with my Western upbringing.

Just as crippling as denial was finding myself sometimes in “victim” mode. So many people walk about in a “poor me” state, which is just as unhealthy as denial or as playing the blame game, refusing to accept responsibility for one’s actions/life.

Perhaps one of the keys is in the word “responsibility”. Not in the usual sense of taking the blame but in its original form – response & able; your ability to respond to situations.

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The only Dutchman to openly criticise his country’s approach is Johan Cruyff who in fact blamed Webb for being too lenient, pointing out that Holland could, and prehaps should, have been down to 9 players by half time. As a side issue, if Webb had done that, people would have criticised him for ruining the final!

Instead of blaming others, the Dutch players and managers should take a long hard look at themselves and accept responsibility for their decision to play as they did, and for the consequences.

It is easy when we are under pressure to perform, to blame others if we fail. For the Dutch football team, there is no greater pressure than playing in a final. They could turn themselves into admirable role models if they were to take a deep breath, admit that they were wrong and accept responsibility for the consequences.

Of course,equally dangerous are those people who accept responsibility for everything, not realising when it’s just not “their stuff”.

If you look at the word “responsibility”, you can break it down into” response” and “ability”… the ability to respond. If something isn’t working, someone involved has to have the ability to respond and to try something else. If  instead you do more of what isn’t working, you get more failure.

Shame nobody from the Dutch side realised that on Sunday!

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This got me thinking: is it better to be true to yourself or should you repress an important part of your life so as not to risk causing offence? How responsible am I for what others think of me?

Referring back to the issue raised in the first paragraph, are spiritual values appropriate for the workplace? I’m not talking about open, fervent displays of religious belief – there’s a clear distinction for me between spirituality and religion.

The spiritual core underpinning all religions is the same: unconditional love of God, self and others and gratitude for life and the planet we live on. Different religions have built infrastructures on top of those beliefs, infrastructures and dogma that often serve to protect the position of the religion’s hierarchy. Often the layers of dogma bury the simple spiritual core. Many wars have been fought in the name of religion – I’m not aware of any that have been fought over these core spiritual values.

Just looking at love – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

It’s a no-brainer for me that the world would be a far better place if people lived up to this vision of love. It’s equally a no-brainer that the behaviours emanating from this vision are just as appropriate in the workplace as elsewhere.

Another question – why do men find it so difficult to speak of love? Many of us grew up with fathers who found it difficult to express love so don’t have a role model, so that may be one reason. Others live or have lived in an environment where love is cheapened into a purely physical thing. Guys, do you find it easy to tell your partner and your children that you love them? One thing is certain – if you mean it, they want to hear it!

What do you believe? Is it ok to express spiritual values in the workplace? Or to put it another way, how openly should we express those values in the workplace?

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It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our work and neglect our personal relationships. For the self-employed, this is a real danger; we spend as much time as we can chasing and delivering work and forget the reasons why we are doing it. It’s so easy to neglect the personal; growth in the business is little satisfaction if there’s no one to share it with, if our “significant others” leave us because they feel neglected.

Do you have a balanced definition of personal success? Take a moment and decide what success means to you – if you achieve all of your monetary goals but you are distanced from your children and your partner has left you, have you been truly successful? Or if after working years and years of 18 hour days, you finally achieve your material goals but you have had 3 heart attacks and are on blood pressure medication, is that success?

From the “Golden Age of Greed”  of the Thatcher years until now, the focus has been on material wealth, consumer greed, living on credit that can barely be afforded. We’ve seen the results of that with the collapse of the financial sector, but it’s time to look at ourselves. From the ancients like Plato, Aristotle, Pythagoras, to the father of modern science, Sir Isaac Newton, our great leaders of philosophy and science thought about the total being: Mind, Body and Spirit.

What are you going to do this week to help your body overcome the excesses of the Noughties, to fuel your Spiritual Needs and most important of all, to tell those important people that you love them and how important they are in your lives?

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Like most of the spiritual greats, Christ’s message was a spiritual message about unconditional love; love of God, of self, and of others. Whether you believe in him as a historical figure or as an allegory, or a mixture of both, his life was an example of service leadership and of sacrificial love.

Not love of a selfish, “I’ll love you if you love me” type. But love that has been written of in the following terms:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” A far cry from how love is often portrayed today.

When I look at the behaviours of the banking fraternity, of the Members of parliament over their expenses, and of the general consumerism and greed of the last 30 years I wonder:

Is his message relevant today?
Is it possible to run a business based on spiritual (as opposed to religious) principles?
Is servant leadership possible or a pipe-dream?

What do you think?

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1. Be your spouse’s best friend
2. Complain less and listen more
3. Don’t make a drama out of a difficulty
4. Move on from a conflict that can’t be won
5. Allow yourself and others to make mistakes
6. Make your love for truth stronger than your need to be right
7. Everyone’s perception is their reality and you can’t change another person’s perception
8. Ask yourself what did you once love to do that you are not doing now? What’s stopping you from taking it up again?
9. Your three greatest treasures are simplicity, patience and compassion
10. Be quick to offer a healing touch or a healing word

What would you add?

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Smile at someone - do it now!

How often have you said “I wish I had done that, but I didn’t have the time?” I’ve certainly done it and wrote at length about some of the lessons I’d learned about this in the article 10 Things I Wish I Had Known And Stuck To From Early On. Here are 14 tips to help you to put an end to procrastination.

Have you told that special person lately that you love them? If not, do it now!

Have you set aside quality time for yourself so you can address those issues that are holding you back but are personal? Development requires action, do it now!

Have you given a smile to that stranger who looks sad? If not, do it now!

Have you done something to make the world a better place today? If not, do it now!

Have you organised a special surprise for that special person? If not, do it now!

Have you said a kind word today to your colleague with the low self-esteem? If not, do it now!

Have you said a prayer for your sick friend? If not, do it now!

Have you made a phone call to someone you know is lonely? If not, do it now!

Are you sitting on the couch, hoping everything will turn out right? Take action, do it now!

Are you hiding behind self-limiting fears? Face your fears and do it now!

Have you given a hug to someone that needs one? If not, do it now!

Have you exercised today? If not, do it now!

Have you done something today to nourish the key relationships in your life? If not, do it now!

“But I don’t have time!” Stop procrastinating. Do it now!

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In rating yourself, how did you define intelligence? Traditionally, educators have followed the example of the IQ or similar test and focused on attainment in maths and your mother tongue. Yet, this is a very narrow definition of intelligence.

How come when children enter school at age 5 they are pretty much all of them creative. yet when they go to senior school at 11 or 13, very few of them are creative? What’s happened? Why do we not include creativity in our definition of intelligence?

Look at someone like Gillian Lynne – teachers thought she was failing at school because she never appeared to be paying attention and was always fidgeting. The world was indeed fortunate that she was sent to a psychologist who recognised the signs and saw that she interpreted the world through physical motion. He suggested she be sent to stage school. These days, most psychologists would have diagnosed ADD/ADHD and put her on Ritalin! Why do we not include physical expression as a form of intelligence?

The huge irony in this is that IQ tests were never intended to test how intelligent we are in terms of degrees of intelligence. Alfred Binet, one of the co-developers of IQ tests, was commissioned by the French government to develop a test that would identify children whose intelligence was blow a minimum threshold so that they could receive remedial schooling. He rejected the idea of using his test to compare intelligence or to select individuals on the basis of their scoring well.

Lewis Terman, who revised Binet’s test and developed what is known as the “Stanford-Binet” test, had a completely different agenda. He was a major player in the eugenics movement and all that that implied!

There is an increase in interest in areas like Emotional and Spiritual Intelligence, particularly in the workplace. I suggest that we need to rethink what we mean by intelligence in school too.

But I am interested, how did you define intelligence when you were rating yourself?

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What is the definition of guilt? An on-line dictionary defines it as: “The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.” So there lies the key to removing this barrier to personal growth and dealing with your guilt: accept responsibility for what you’ve done and act appropriately. You may need to apologise, you may need to make reparation and both of these may be as true when apologising to yourself as to others.

This will help your personal growth in another way – it will teach you to listen to your intuition; you may initially feel that you have to take masssive action but if you pause and take a breath, your intuition will guide you. It’s difficult for some people to accept the wisdom of their inner voice – people have a difficult time accepting this inner teacher that has perfect understanding.

The other side of the coin is forgiveness – we often have lengthy conversations with students on our courses, and with our clients, about the need for forgiveness. The conversation usually goes along the lines of “Why should I (or How can I) forgive them after what they have done?” The answer is simple – it has little to do with the other person. It’s for your benefit, for your personal growth. It’s about releasing the angst trapped within us, angst that can add significantly to the burden of stress we carry. To put it another way, the other person may have done something nasty to you that caused you a lot of problems. Why should what they did continue to cause you a problem, perhaps even endangering your health? Why give them that power over you? Forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs.

Another important catalyst for personal growth and development is pardoning yourself – we often carry unrealistic expectations about ourselves and when we fail to meet those expectations, we blame ourselves. For example, for years I blamed myself for mishandling how I told my brother that our mum had died. It took me a long time to understand that there is no ‘best way’ and that I’d done the best I could with what I knew.

When you have a quiet moment, sit and ask your self two questions:

1. What guilt are you carrying around and what can you do about it?

2. Who do you need to pardon?

I wrote here that true happiness comes from within and I believe that you can start to experience this by thinking about, and acting upon, the two questions above and by beginning to listen to your intuition. What benefits have you gained from learning about guilt and forgiveness? How important has it been for you to learn to forgive yourself?

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As well as being inspired by the lyrics of that song, this article was also partly inspired by reading this article at ecademy. In it the author writes a lot of statements beginning with “You must…”, all of which are social media “imperatives.”

Yet one of the great opportunities offered by Web 2.0 and 3.0 when it arrives is that is that it’s all about choice. You choose how you want to carve out a presence, if any!

Or to put it another way, to ” embrace it in my own way and own good time and in a way in which I feel comfortable.” Ruth EdwardsStand Out

School, university, work – they all encourage conformity to the point of often stamping out creativity. We’re encouraged to follow the herd, be safe.The flip side of this is that people feel frightened when asked to do something out of the ordinary, or when faced by someone else doing it. They all focus on efficiency, doing things right by conforming. The corporate world depends upon it. Yet we’ve los focus of the more important word, effectiveness, which means doing the right things in the first place. Conformity may have been the right thing to do in the past, but not any more.

In the new decade, conformity and being average won’t cut it any more. There’s a sales and marketing cliche that urges companies to find their Unique Selling Point. This is becoming increasingly important at an individual level. There are millions of blogs; there are tens of millions of networking site profiles. There are often hundreds of people competing for the same jobs. Differentiation is becoming an important word.

How do you Differentiate Yourself?

Look around you – people have been seduced into a “wish a few positive thoughts and you’ll get all you desire” stupor. You will immediately differentiate yourself if you are prepared to:

1. take action to achieve what you want, put in some effort

2. accept  responsibility for your life rather than blame everyone/everything else

3. take time to optimise your social media approach. This means having a clear message, being consistent, being true to yourself and taking time to learn how to get your message heard. It also means connecting, engaging and sharing, three interpersonal skills we all use in our face-to face relationships which are just as relevant on-line.  Possibly out of habit, so many blogs are clones of each other. So many articles say much the same thing, just adding to the social media noise. Be different!

4. be yourself – I’ll write it until my grey hair turns white: sing your song with your voice! If you are not sure how to do this, take time to read  Personal Growth the Benjamin Franklin Way!

5. get a distinctive hair cut and wear clothes that stand out! Sorry Nick, couldn’t resist it, but there is a serious point here. Differentiation comes from within. If Nick didn’t have the congruency, experience and results to back up up his distinctive personal image, it would be meaningless.

What tips would you give people about how to differentiate yourself?

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