Yet denial is not a good idea: it is usually a crippling condition, although when faced with an enormous crisis, it is a useful short-term response. Longer term, burying your head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich is not a good idea. The issue being ignored has a habit of creeping up behind the ostrich and kicking it in the backside!

Perhaps there is another element to this: I’m not really bothered whether things happen by “fate”, “karma” or whether “shit happens”. What’s important to me is, once I’ve dealt with the immediate effects of the happening, what can I learn from it?

For example my mum died when I was 17 – someone told me at the time “it’s God’s will, all is ok!” If he hadn’t been a lot bigger than me, I’d have punched him – discretion is important, and timing is an important part of discretion! Over the years, I’ve come to realise that I’ve learned a lot from her death (and from the guy’s response).

Some of it is indeed about discretion and timing. Another part of it is discernment, learning who to listen to and who to smile sweetly at and move on. Yet another part is understanding that having coped with her death, I can cope with the death of others close to me when they happe.

I’ve also learned that gurus, while a valuable part of Eastern culture, are usually incompatible with my Western upbringing.

Just as crippling as denial was finding myself sometimes in “victim” mode. So many people walk about in a “poor me” state, which is just as unhealthy as denial or as playing the blame game, refusing to accept responsibility for one’s actions/life.

Perhaps one of the keys is in the word “responsibility”. Not in the usual sense of taking the blame but in its original form – response & able; your ability to respond to situations.